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Headlines From the Year 2029 |
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Ozone Created by Electric Cars Sacramento, CA - (BSI Story) EPA reports that ozone created by emissions of electric cars are now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. |
Minority Group Pushes for English Los Angles, CA - (BSI Story) - White minorities are still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Reports of having difficulty getting their message across are wide spread. Civil Liberties Union will not comment, saying "No comprendo". |
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Martians Seek "Illegal
Aliens Status" Roswell, New Mexico - (BSI Story) - Plink Flu, spokesit for the local contingent of former inhabitants of Mars, has filled a petition in the Ninth District Court for recognition so that they can have all the privileges of illegal aliens, and forego the burdens and responsibilities of legal citizenship. They say that since 1947, they have been repeatedly ignored and concealed by the United States government. Federal officials deny a cover-up, citing no proof of their existence. Flu says the feds are also concerned that the interbreeding with Earthlings, has contributed to global warming, thus foiling the "politically correct" viewpoint denying earthman's right to live on the planet. How could Martians be granted privileges of living on Earth, while Earthmen are scolded for their efforts to advance their technology and produce wealth. |
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| POLITICS | INTERNATIONAL NEWS |
| Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines. Democrats are still refusing to follow instructions, and vote only once. They insist that failure of their candidates to win elections is proof of fraud. | |
| No Drilling in Arctic - Senate still blocking drilling in Arctic National Wildlife Refuge even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. | |
| Safer Times for All U.S. Citizens - New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030. | |
| Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. | Iran still closed off;
physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before
radioactivity decreases to safe levels. |
| France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation! | |
| George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. | Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. |
| FINANCIAL NEWS | ENVIRONMENT |
| Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. | Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. |
| Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico. | |
| IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. | |
| HEALTH | |
| 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. | |
| Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. | |
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OBITUARIES |
| Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. | |
| SEX & SOCIETY
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Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. |
| Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. | SPORTS |
| Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped. | Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. |
rev 04/10/2009